I realize that it’s been a bit since I’ve posted anything. I avoided posting anything last weekend, as the Fourth of July holiday tends to bring a lot of bitterness out of me (I truly dislike the Fourth of July, for a multitude of reasons that I won’t get into). But, seeing as I’ve had some extra time to think about what I want to post, and how I want to say it, I’ve got a confession I need to make, and I’m about to get brutally honest:
Some days, I really miss life as a “single.”
There, I said it.
Now, let me be clear: I’m not talking about life without DH. I love my husband. In fact, I actually still like my husband, A LOT. Honestly, we’re a pretty good pair, and I’m happy with him 364 out of 365 (or 366) days a year. What I’m talking about are the days (months, years) where we were together as a couple, but living separately.
Sometimes, I have this overwhelming need for SPACE. There are times when I come home, and the condo is just too confining. There are nights where I just want a room to myself, where I can shut myself in, and do nothing, and not be accountable for my time. Occasionally, I wish for times where I can watch hours of “Say Yes to the Dress” and stupid romantic comedies, and not get laughed at. Some nights I fondly recall the times where I didn’t worry about what I was having for dinner, because I just didn’t really care what I ate, and didn’t have to worry about feeding anybody else. Every once in a while, I long to hear DH say that he’s going out of town for a few days, because that means I’LL GET THE BED TO MYSELF!!! I can sleep smack-dab in the middle, and not worry about encroaching on someone else’s space, or stealing too much of the covers. Most of all, I miss the days where I can just be cranky, and not feel bad that I’m subjecting someone else to my crap attitude and/or crazy hormones.
And yet, a lot of this makes me feel guilty. Like I’m not a good wife. Or that one day, I’ll make a horrible parent.
I’m hoping other people can relate. I’m hoping that reading it, one understands what it’s like to totally love a person, but desire just a teeny, tiny bit of space, all to themselves. I think that’s why people created the “man cave.” Perhaps I just need a wo(man) cave. Maybe in our next place.